Unlabeled

 

“No we didn’t date. Technically, he wasn’t an ex-boyfriend but he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe, an ex-almost.”

photo not mine

How can I tell you of a story when I did not know when it started and when it ended.

If we look at it, is there something that started that needs to end.

If there was, what was it that we started.

Is there something that we should end.

What is there really?

There was never an us in the equation.

It was just me and you.

In those cold bitter nights stolen from the monotony of each other's lives.

would you have wanted me to chase after you

that I would hope for something that is not there all along

I have been through this a thousand times before and I never learn

Did it also ever occur to you that I would beg for your time, for an explanation of the shape my heart is in?

I know it is not possible.

That it would not happen and it should not.

Didn't you ever think that I wouldn't do it because I have no right to ask you what you feel.

And whatever this is , I knew it is unclear,

It is bound to end any way.

It felt it will scare the hell out of you... that what if you won't find someone better. That what you have now was the best even though it feels like you might find someone better, the fear always creeps in.

 She used to love what he was.

There are questions left unanswered but you decide anyway that if it was 'it', it wouldn't really have come to this end of the rope.

and you weighed all but there is nothing left to make you stay.

and you decide it is just another mistake.

That there are people in this world whom you have to meet so you will be prepared enough when you met the real one.

and then you got to learn more about yourself on the process

You get bruised. burned. scarred. So you leave. carrying nothing with you.

You would wait for someone. That soul who will tell you that you can go anywhere , be anyone with him ... and it will just be a matter of going.

And so you left.

On the Rocks

 She knew what he was but she chose to close her eyes.

• 

Our downfall starts when she chose to see beyond the red flags and faults and imperfections. 

Sometimes, it is the thinking that she does not want to accept that the first love that she chose wasn't the one after all.

She knew what was coming but chose to ignore it. She knows the endgame but still rode it till the end.

She knew but still gave it a chance to work out so when the time comes, walking away would be easier as she gave it her best shot.

When she got poured down with rain and got wet, she danced in it like there is tomorrow.

And as she went inside the bar, she knew the allure of fleeting things.

Yet, she held out her hand for another shot . She knew it wouldn't be wine this time.

It would be on the rocks, burning your throat , leaving your soul dry and parched but you'd still be wanting for more until none of them would be able to give out anything any longer.